totally run out of words,
no more pictures,
only numbers of no meaning,
flights away i call your name,
i remember,
in memories i feel,
another day i call,
another day i wait.
how nice to have had,
how nice to have felt,
how nice to recall,
how nice,
i need a hammer,
and when i'm with you,
i need to forget,
and only look into your eyes.
9/20/08
Friday, 19. September 2008, 9.00 pm
it's always the same,
and never the right time,
full of everything,
i feel it with two fingers,
so soft,
i never want to let it go.
and never the right time,
full of everything,
i feel it with two fingers,
so soft,
i never want to let it go.
8/29/08
Friday, 29. August 2008, 11.00 pm
when an angel comes just to say that he's leaving
it was a new day,
everything appeared to be the same,
and yet a feeling changed,
somewhere inside of me,
a new chapter,
with a new name,
i didn't understand.
it was six days ago,
the sun went down,
and the same night came,
the same place,
everything as always,
with a new name,
i saw a new pair of eyes.
so familiar i stayed and looked,
it was all new,
everything i had lost,
all i ever felt,
all the hope i had lost,
there it all was,
right there.
after searching so long,
now i was scared,
too many bad memories,
all came flooding back,
but my eyes stayed fixed,
nothing to do,
but to kiss.
i know it,
i wait,
i hear and i smile,
i hope,
we meet,
and with one sentence,
it feels like everything is taken away.
that was today,
and now i sit here,
with nothing to hold but hope,
hope for a new day,
the sun comes up,
and i will eat and i will pray,
i know now: it's still inside me.
the river still flows,
and the love inside is still there,
i'm so happy to learn this,
but as he turns away,
where does the river flow,
i will make new love,
and feed the stream,
we all get thirsty sometime.
it was a new day,
everything appeared to be the same,
and yet a feeling changed,
somewhere inside of me,
a new chapter,
with a new name,
i didn't understand.
it was six days ago,
the sun went down,
and the same night came,
the same place,
everything as always,
with a new name,
i saw a new pair of eyes.
so familiar i stayed and looked,
it was all new,
everything i had lost,
all i ever felt,
all the hope i had lost,
there it all was,
right there.
after searching so long,
now i was scared,
too many bad memories,
all came flooding back,
but my eyes stayed fixed,
nothing to do,
but to kiss.
i know it,
i wait,
i hear and i smile,
i hope,
we meet,
and with one sentence,
it feels like everything is taken away.
that was today,
and now i sit here,
with nothing to hold but hope,
hope for a new day,
the sun comes up,
and i will eat and i will pray,
i know now: it's still inside me.
the river still flows,
and the love inside is still there,
i'm so happy to learn this,
but as he turns away,
where does the river flow,
i will make new love,
and feed the stream,
we all get thirsty sometime.
8/18/08
Sunday, 10. August 2008, 11.00 pm - Sunday, 17. August 2008, 4.00 pm
new beginnings
reality is not my dream,
felt you come inside my mouth,
but what i saw was very dry,
cannot feel what i want to feel,
for now you go and i stay with you.
create another chance,
and feel it all again,
want to sleep now to enter my dream,
leave now and never return,
nothing will make me forget this nothing.
today another chance,
go deeper and let the addiction take me,
what i feel i put inside his mouth,
run away to see the same place,
touch for a bit of the same pain.
somehow pass out to wake up,
now all is deep as darkness comes again,
there is no end to day and night,
again, again, again,
tomorrow i'll do it the same way.
enter and see where love is lost,
hurt when he does not touch me,
hurt when he comes all over me,
how can i go inside my dream,
need to feel this big and strong.
emptiness drags me out,
sorrow brings tears that fill with blood,
nothing replaced by nothing,
going and finding a place of hope,
and there i see an innocent smile.
and there i hold this perfect creation,
this dream that makes me live another day,
forget where i go,
forget where i was,
open my eyes now and feel a little hope.
and even if it's only a moment in time,
there is no such thing,
reality is this moment and everything,
so much more than i can dream or feel,
learn to leave it to let it come.
reality is not my dream,
felt you come inside my mouth,
but what i saw was very dry,
cannot feel what i want to feel,
for now you go and i stay with you.
create another chance,
and feel it all again,
want to sleep now to enter my dream,
leave now and never return,
nothing will make me forget this nothing.
today another chance,
go deeper and let the addiction take me,
what i feel i put inside his mouth,
run away to see the same place,
touch for a bit of the same pain.
somehow pass out to wake up,
now all is deep as darkness comes again,
there is no end to day and night,
again, again, again,
tomorrow i'll do it the same way.
enter and see where love is lost,
hurt when he does not touch me,
hurt when he comes all over me,
how can i go inside my dream,
need to feel this big and strong.
emptiness drags me out,
sorrow brings tears that fill with blood,
nothing replaced by nothing,
going and finding a place of hope,
and there i see an innocent smile.
and there i hold this perfect creation,
this dream that makes me live another day,
forget where i go,
forget where i was,
open my eyes now and feel a little hope.
and even if it's only a moment in time,
there is no such thing,
reality is this moment and everything,
so much more than i can dream or feel,
learn to leave it to let it come.
7/4/08
Saturday, 5. July 2008, 2.22 am
when you come,
it's a shower of emptiness,
and when you turn to go,
you know what i feel is love,
and when you're gone,
it's a shower of emptiness.
it's a shower of emptiness,
and when you turn to go,
you know what i feel is love,
and when you're gone,
it's a shower of emptiness.
6/23/08
Monday, 23. June 2008, 10.00 am
i do it all the time,
waiting to be taken away,
he said:
'carry me and lighten your load,
why don't you want to be mine.'
with poetry in dirty handcuffs,
i cry around the corner,
and the fox offers me his prey,
and so i take it again.
the way i am i find myself,
naked in front of them all,
underneath a soft warm rain,
and with my feet dancing inside,
i cry because of time.
waiting to be taken away,
he said:
'carry me and lighten your load,
why don't you want to be mine.'
with poetry in dirty handcuffs,
i cry around the corner,
and the fox offers me his prey,
and so i take it again.
the way i am i find myself,
naked in front of them all,
underneath a soft warm rain,
and with my feet dancing inside,
i cry because of time.
5/24/08
4/10/08
Tuesday, 8. April 2008, 4.00 am
he touches me the way i want to,
the way i can't be.
eyes.
he wants to and so he does,
now i'm runnig.
the terror of life ending.
feeling safe for a moment but then it was all in vain,
the trinity comes but it will take my last breath.
i turn my eyes away,
not knowing what to let go,
white, strong, long and thick,
all three will come into a pool of blood,
the poison will bring the dreams,
that never should have been.
this time i get away,
leaping from one reality to another,
all i can do now is wait.
the way i can't be.
eyes.
he wants to and so he does,
now i'm runnig.
the terror of life ending.
feeling safe for a moment but then it was all in vain,
the trinity comes but it will take my last breath.
i turn my eyes away,
not knowing what to let go,
white, strong, long and thick,
all three will come into a pool of blood,
the poison will bring the dreams,
that never should have been.
this time i get away,
leaping from one reality to another,
all i can do now is wait.
3/30/08
Monday, 31. March 2008, 4.00 am
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,
sun coming up,
in a dream, sweat,
day,
die today or live another year,
wash,
the biggest cock, the deepest throat,
the biggest thighs, the smallest butt,
the whitest skin, the darkest eyes.
i feel safe wrapped between your legs.
touch, kiss, spit and suck,
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,
sun coming up,
another day and so on
sun coming up,
in a dream, sweat,
day,
die today or live another year,
wash,
the biggest cock, the deepest throat,
the biggest thighs, the smallest butt,
the whitest skin, the darkest eyes.
i feel safe wrapped between your legs.
touch, kiss, spit and suck,
sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, sex,
sun coming up,
another day and so on
3/24/08
Tuesday, 25. March 2008, 5.00 am
i feel completely destroyed by a single emotion.
nothing at all.
- "A mighty pain to love it is,
- And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
- But of all pains, the greatest pain
- It is to love, but love in vain."
nothing at all.
3/18/08
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