another other world

and so i learn
inside a tortured soul
there is always yet another
deeper level of sorrow to discover
it feels sometimes the descend is endless
and the lower you get
the more you need to rely on yourself
as all help is withdrawn
by the helpless world around you
when you appear to have gone
down, to another reality
everyone fears to fail
especially those that do not try to help you
so what can you do
now that you have run out of options?

after the fight II

dropped by a heavy healing heaven

your life is a temporary death

i want to show you the palm of my hand

the age of meaningless names

tied to the past

i never wanted to move away from here

i never wanted to give this up

i look you in the eye and your soul is closed
i see your soul is closed
i move on
i look you in the eye
i see inside your heart
a locked door
a closed soul
your soul is closed
i look in your eye
you are empty
i look you in the eye and i see
your soul is closed
you cut youself
and you look at yourself bleeding
your soul is closed
i see your heart
a locked door
your soul is closed

i want to say i love you
you don't want to hear
your soul is closed

let me take you down into the valley
where you fear to go
i take you by the hand in darkness
you trust me until the sun comes up

it is time to go now
i will not forget the life i had
i will not forget the feelings i felt
i will not forget what happened to me
this is no time to cry
this is the time to go now

let me hurt a bit more
before you take me away
let me sit here weeping
tied to my past
watch me cry
soul in the dirt
kick it then walk away

when you twist the knife
i can look at your heart
and the closed door

every heart i know has been broken

i am feeling sick

i feel pain when i am with you
i feel pain when i am alone
i feel pain when i run away
i feel pain when i penetrate you
i feel pain when you smile at me
i feel pain when you hold me
i feel pain when i am dreaming

i want to love myself
but i only love you

i am like a child
who got lost on the way home

the darkness

when it's time to go
you will be the one saying goodbye
god will watch
and i will not smile

i search simplicity
but there are only new conundrums
it might be a line from birth to creation
or a jealous look

there is nothing to see here
go and leave me be
what i seek is tenderness
as it's the only thing that never fills my cup

i look what evils hurt me
i ignore the insecurities that kill
but how and where is a true look
of understanding

you do this for yourself
and so does everyone
when it's time to leave
you think about what will become of you

i give you the key
go and unlock the soul of another man
give him the freedom you have to share
it's what you truly hold inside your heart

this is the beginning of understanding
the world serving you from it's source
this is what is hidden
i am the seeker

you want to be my mate?

while the stars be not darkened either

inside the remains of a broken past

there's a new wing growing
where once there was a lead weight
with a new eye i see
twenty years of addiction disolving
a history revealed
by a stable home
the unexpected end came with no hello

it started with a broken cup
a painful word
and no trust
a broken childhood
and no education
i ran away
through the keyhole

i found a world in sidereality
that was populated by lost souls
looking for love and destruction
the possibility of a quick end
where age would be heavy
inside a single glance
filled with desire

it turned from a taste
to a greedy feast
until only the best
or the new would be good enough
but a hungry mind
had to be fed with the available scraps
or there would be nothing

it hurt so bad
but i thought this was life
when he did not say yes
and he was in the same pit
and he created a wall
it seemed there was no other way
and so it went on

one after another
each false sanctuary died
and we were all lost without them
pushing for new depths
new drugs showed me
how unreal everything was
when the morning light sent me to sleep

what happened in these twenty years
and how did i survive them
i wonder if this is the end of words
my fragile reality now
is created by a warm soul
that holds the real me
and shows me who i am

i could have seen the painful
and it would have crushed me
if i did not know this today
i could not sit here now
with a peaceful heart
so i am thankful to the darkness
and lock it inside my own past