somewhere you don't know i hurt myself
and dream of places i never heard of
where my fruits hang ripe in the trees
the blood from my brow
so much brighter red
than the blood in my mouth
the blood i send back to my heart
deep black
i pray, open my wounds
9/12/09
Tuesday, 8. September 2009, 11.55 pm
unfortunate enough
to have been born
into this spinning, spitting world
soon after my cries as a baby stopped
my innocence was ripped to shreds when
one of the first two people i ever
loved
went away and left me bleeding to my own accord
growing up an observer
and seeker of what there was to cherish
in this game designed for no purpose or end
i looked how evil destroyed
all happiness that people tried to find
and hold on to
i learned how
the animals are a mirror to our souls
and how we all cry
and how we are frightened
here in this darkness and brightness
because we do not understand
and fear the unknown
the universe outside
became a model for my heart
and i felt my suffering
and the hopelessness of misunderstanding
torn
i played along
against my own judgement
and the pain grew
and the blood poured out
i saw killing
and disrespect
lies and deceit
and at the bottom of it all
i saw there was no end
i dreamt of freedom
and about feeling at ease
i searched
for the people that loved me
and welcomed those i could love in return
i tried to be close
to the people that knew me
those who understood that
the fighting never stops
i arrived in the depths of despair
and i laughed
about the pointlessness and the hurting
and i ignored the knocks at the door that told me
time was up
i got help
and i learned cheating
so many things we do
designed to escape
the unavoidable
in desperation to succeed
for another moment in time
so here it is
a life created
gone in a second
and never to return again
repeated in the image that we hold in front of us
when we look
into each others eyes
for now
we cannot know
the where and the why
and our belief
is all we have
to have been born
into this spinning, spitting world
soon after my cries as a baby stopped
my innocence was ripped to shreds when
one of the first two people i ever
loved
went away and left me bleeding to my own accord
growing up an observer
and seeker of what there was to cherish
in this game designed for no purpose or end
i looked how evil destroyed
all happiness that people tried to find
and hold on to
i learned how
the animals are a mirror to our souls
and how we all cry
and how we are frightened
here in this darkness and brightness
because we do not understand
and fear the unknown
the universe outside
became a model for my heart
and i felt my suffering
and the hopelessness of misunderstanding
torn
i played along
against my own judgement
and the pain grew
and the blood poured out
i saw killing
and disrespect
lies and deceit
and at the bottom of it all
i saw there was no end
i dreamt of freedom
and about feeling at ease
i searched
for the people that loved me
and welcomed those i could love in return
i tried to be close
to the people that knew me
those who understood that
the fighting never stops
i arrived in the depths of despair
and i laughed
about the pointlessness and the hurting
and i ignored the knocks at the door that told me
time was up
i got help
and i learned cheating
so many things we do
designed to escape
the unavoidable
in desperation to succeed
for another moment in time
so here it is
a life created
gone in a second
and never to return again
repeated in the image that we hold in front of us
when we look
into each others eyes
for now
we cannot know
the where and the why
and our belief
is all we have
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