Friday, 29. August 2008, 11.00 pm

when an angel comes just to say that he's leaving

it was a new day,
everything appeared to be the same,
and yet a feeling changed,
somewhere inside of me,
a new chapter,
with a new name,
i didn't understand.

it was six days ago,
the sun went down,
and the same night came,
the same place,
everything as always,
with a new name,
i saw a new pair of eyes.

so familiar i stayed and looked,
it was all new,
everything i had lost,
all i ever felt,
all the hope i had lost,
there it all was,
right there.

after searching so long,
now i was scared,
too many bad memories,
all came flooding back,
but my eyes stayed fixed,
nothing to do,
but to kiss.

i know it,
i wait,
i hear and i smile,
i hope,
we meet,
and with one sentence,
it feels like everything is taken away.

that was today,
and now i sit here,
with nothing to hold but hope,
hope for a new day,
the sun comes up,
and i will eat and i will pray,
i know now: it's still inside me.

the river still flows,
and the love inside is still there,
i'm so happy to learn this,
but as he turns away,
where does the river flow,
i will make new love,
and feed the stream,
we all get thirsty sometime.

Sunday, 10. August 2008, 11.00 pm - Sunday, 17. August 2008, 4.00 pm

new beginnings

reality is not my dream,
felt you come inside my mouth,
but what i saw was very dry,
cannot feel what i want to feel,
for now you go and i stay with you.

create another chance,
and feel it all again,
want to sleep now to enter my dream,
leave now and never return,
nothing will make me forget this nothing.

today another chance,
go deeper and let the addiction take me,
what i feel i put inside his mouth,
run away to see the same place,
touch for a bit of the same pain.

somehow pass out to wake up,
now all is deep as darkness comes again,
there is no end to day and night,
again, again, again,
tomorrow i'll do it the same way.

enter and see where love is lost,
hurt when he does not touch me,
hurt when he comes all over me,
how can i go inside my dream,
need to feel this big and strong.

emptiness drags me out,
sorrow brings tears that fill with blood,
nothing replaced by nothing,
going and finding a place of hope,
and there i see an innocent smile.

and there i hold this perfect creation,
this dream that makes me live another day,
forget where i go,
forget where i was,
open my eyes now and feel a little hope.

and even if it's only a moment in time,
there is no such thing,
reality is this moment and everything,
so much more than i can dream or feel,
learn to leave it to let it come.