for a moment in time

set on a path of destruction
i hear them
building and dreaming
moving away
big strong ray of different lights
to hold on to
for a different time
inside the mind of space
lifted off my feet
i am replaced and gone

Sunday, 27. September 2009, 8.30 am

somewhere you don't know i hurt myself
and dream of places i never heard of
where my fruits hang ripe in the trees

the blood from my brow
so much brighter red
than the blood in my mouth

the blood i send back to my heart
deep black
i pray, open my wounds

Tuesday, 8. September 2009, 11.55 pm

unfortunate enough
to have been born
into this spinning, spitting world
soon after my cries as a baby stopped
my innocence was ripped to shreds when
one of the first two people i ever
loved
went away and left me bleeding to my own accord
growing up an observer
and seeker of what there was to cherish
in this game designed for no purpose or end
i looked how evil destroyed
all happiness that people tried to find
and hold on to
i learned how
the animals are a mirror to our souls
and how we all cry
and how we are frightened
here in this darkness and brightness
because we do not understand
and fear the unknown
the universe outside
became a model for my heart
and i felt my suffering
and the hopelessness of misunderstanding
torn
i played along
against my own judgement
and the pain grew
and the blood poured out
i saw killing
and disrespect
lies and deceit
and at the bottom of it all
i saw there was no end
i dreamt of freedom
and about feeling at ease
i searched
for the people that loved me
and welcomed those i could love in return
i tried to be close
to the people that knew me
those who understood that
the fighting never stops
i arrived in the depths of despair
and i laughed
about the pointlessness and the hurting
and i ignored the knocks at the door that told me
time was up
i got help
and i learned cheating
so many things we do
designed to escape
the unavoidable
in desperation to succeed
for another moment in time
so here it is
a life created
gone in a second
and never to return again
repeated in the image that we hold in front of us
when we look
into each others eyes
for now
we cannot know
the where and the why
and our belief
is all we have

Sunday, 26. July 2009, 11.00 pm

back and further
weight between eyes
feels strong guilt
injustice

one moment in his arms
his fear in my heart

back into memory
what are they going to say
are they happy to see me
or afraid of what they don't understand

a kiss and goodbye
his love in my mouth

want to go now
want to go now
want to go now
want to go now

a call on the telephone
i turn the lights out

Wednesday, 3. June 2009, 1.00 am

A wall of deep black clouds.
8 miles high it threatens to crush me.
I hope it will,
I wish that he will cover me.

Monday, 2. March 2009, 1.00 am

Ticket for love, Kurzstrecke, protection.
Collect reminders of perfection.
Reject untold dark horizons.
Find.

Sunday, 15. February 2009, 1.00 pm

in dreams it's still okay

i had the most wonderful dream last night
it reminded me of the hopes i held in a different time
something i thought i had lost when
it was time to go but i refused to die

it has been so hard in this time without love
i try to accept that all this is nothing
and try to live on with just one single cold sun
i enter my dreams and i find a different world

where does it take me the moment i awake
and how can i get it back
where is the second chance
i wonder about the power of thought